Parents Reflect on Daughter’s Long Mental Health Struggle and Her Final Decision After Years of Treatment

Omar and Cissy Dekker say they never stopped believing their daughter, Iris, might one day recover, even after years of living with severe mental health challenges that dramatically changed the course of her young life.

For nearly four years, the Dutch couple supported their only child through countless medical appointments, therapies, and treatments while she remained on a waiting list for legal medical assistance under the Netherlands’ end-of-life framework. Throughout that period, they continued hoping that a breakthrough in treatment would help restore the energetic and curious teenager they once knew.

Instead, they watched Iris continue to struggle despite receiving extensive professional care.

Now, several months after her passing, Omar and Cissy have chosen to share their family’s experience, hoping to provide insight into the emotional journey they faced and the difficult decisions that unfolded over several years.

Speaking from their home in Bergen op Zoom, they describe Iris as an intelligent, compassionate young woman whose love of learning became apparent from an early age.

According to her mother, Iris constantly asked questions about the world around her and was fascinated by how things worked. Whether she was observing nature, reading books, or exploring outdoors, she approached life with curiosity and enthusiasm.

Her father remembers her as a thoughtful and sensitive child who enjoyed drawing, sports, and spending time outside. Tennis and athletics were among her favorite activities, and she looked forward to spending time with friends and classmates.

Everything began to change when Iris entered secondary school at the age of 13.

She gradually developed serious physical symptoms, including persistent headaches, stomach pain, and overwhelming episodes of anxiety. As her condition worsened, everyday activities became increasingly difficult.

Doctors later diagnosed her with severe depression as well as Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), a condition that can affect movement and other neurological functions without structural damage to the nervous system.

Eventually, a neurological episode left Iris unable to walk independently for an extended period, requiring a wheelchair and significant daily assistance.

Her parents, both trained nurses, suddenly found themselves caring for their own daughter around the clock.

For years, much of their daily routine revolved around medical appointments, therapy sessions, and supporting Iris at home.

Cissy recalls that during those years, she and her husband rarely left the house unless absolutely necessary because Iris required constant care.

The situation also placed considerable emotional strain on the family.

As her physical health became more complicated, Iris’s emotional well-being also continued to decline.

She gradually withdrew from many of the activities she once enjoyed.

Instead of spending time with friends, she increasingly remained in her bedroom listening to music or resting.

Sleep also became difficult, adding another challenge to an already exhausting situation.

Although numerous treatment plans were explored—including medication, psychotherapy, and specialized hospital care—her parents say they rarely saw meaningful improvement.

Every new treatment brought renewed hope, but those hopes were repeatedly followed by disappointment when lasting progress failed to appear.

As Iris grew older, she began discussing her future in ways that deeply concerned her parents.

Rather than focusing on long-term goals or education, she increasingly spoke about wanting relief from the emotional pain she had experienced for years.

Eventually, she asked her medical team about the legal options available in the Netherlands for people experiencing prolonged and unbearable suffering.

Cissy remembers being shocked when the topic was first raised.

Initially, she struggled to understand why her daughter would consider such a path.

Over time, however, she came to recognize that Iris viewed the legal process differently.

Rather than acting impulsively, Iris wanted decisions to be carefully reviewed within the country’s medical and legal framework.

Omar also believed that the lengthy evaluation process might create additional opportunities for treatment.

He hoped that while doctors continued assessing her case, new therapies might finally provide the improvement everyone had been hoping for.

Under Dutch law, requests involving young adults undergo extensive medical evaluation before any decision can be considered.

Patients are expected to receive comprehensive treatment, and multiple healthcare professionals review whether reasonable alternatives remain available.

Following her application, Iris continued participating in numerous treatment programs, including intensive psychotherapy and several different medical approaches.

According to her parents, every recommendation made by specialists was taken seriously.

Despite these efforts, they say her condition remained largely unchanged.

One of the treatments they had hoped would make a significant difference ultimately failed to provide the results they wished for.

Still determined not to give up, Omar later traveled with Iris to Scotland, hoping that spending time in a quieter environment might provide emotional relief.

The trip offered time together away from hospitals and medical appointments.

However, after spending several weeks there, Iris told her father that her outlook had not changed.

She explained that despite trying every option available to her, she no longer believed recovery was possible.

Back in the Netherlands, the family continued waiting for updates regarding her application, but no timeline could be provided.

Months passed without certainty.

During that period, Iris continued discussing her wishes with healthcare professionals, family members, and those closest to her.

Her parents describe those conversations as emotional but also deeply honest.

Eventually, another legally recognized pathway became available following discussions with her medical team and hospice professionals.

Once arrangements had been completed, Iris appeared noticeably calmer.

Her parents believe that having certainty about the future brought her a sense of peace after years of uncertainty.

In the weeks that followed, she spent meaningful time with friends and relatives, creating lasting memories with the people she loved most.

The family shared conversations, laughter, and quiet moments together while preparing emotionally for what lay ahead.

Omar says one of the most meaningful conversations they shared involved Iris asking him to continue living his own life after she was gone.

She encouraged both parents not to let grief define the rest of their lives.

Instead, she hoped they would remember her with love while continuing to find happiness themselves.

Her father says she also asked him to tell her story so others could better understand the realities of severe mental illness and the importance of compassionate care.

For Cissy, one memory remains especially vivid.

One evening, she and Iris stood together beneath a clear night sky, quietly looking at the stars without speaking.

Although neither said very much, Cissy recalls feeling an overwhelming sense of closeness during those peaceful moments.

Today, Omar and Cissy continue honoring their daughter’s memory by speaking publicly about mental health, supporting conversations surrounding treatment, and encouraging greater understanding of families facing similar challenges.

Rather than focusing solely on the final chapter of Iris’s life, they hope people will remember the curious, intelligent, and caring young woman she was long before illness became such a defining part of her story.